By Tiffani Dhooge
She walked into my office like she knew she looked good; pants painted on, shirt tucked tight, belt riding high and proud of every curve.
She was feeling herself.
And then I opened my mouth.
Without hesitation, I said: “Oh honey, you should probably untuck that shirt. It would drape in a more flattering way.”
And just like that, I watched her fold into herself.
She walked in bold.
She walked out small.
Because of me.
And all I could think was: I DID THAT.
That day was a reckoning for me. I KNOW BETTER! I’ve worked in child welfare for almost three decades. I’ve read the books, led the trainings, and raised the grants. But knowing better doesn’t stop the voice in your head from slipping out of your mouth.
Especially when that voice was installed in childhood.
I grew up watching a woman I loved hate her own body. Her self-criticism was the soundtrack of our lives. Loud. Familiar. And eventually, mine.
So when a girl walked in fully visible, fully proud, fully free, I didn’t see confidence, I saw everything I was taught to hide. I thought I was helping her but I wasn’t protecting her…I was projecting me.
That’s how body shame works.
It’s contagious.
It bleeds out in comments, tone, glances.
It gets passed down like an heirloom nobody wants but everyone carries.
If we don’t confront our stuff, we will hand it to them.
Wrapped in “helpful” suggestions, disguised as love and echoed in the mirror.
SO HOW DO YOU RECOVER FROM A MOMENT LIKE THAT???
I circled back. I owned it. I said the words:
“I’m sorry. That was about me, not you.”
And, I don’t know if she’ll remember that moment years from now.
But I hope she remembers that someone came back to try again.
Here’s what I learned:
-You can be a professional and still screw it up.
-You can be educated and still get triggered.
-You can love them and still hurt them.
What matters is whether you stop there.
So no, I won’t always get it right.
But the work isn’t about perfection. It’s about ownership. It’s about recognizing when your past shows up uninvited and choosing not to pass it along.
About the Author
A non-profit executive that has served at-risk populations in Broward County for over 25 years, Tiffani has built a reputation as an intuitively driven, community builder with tenacious conviction and pit-bull loyalty.
Tiffani serves as President and CEO of Children’s Harbor, leading a nationally recognized team focused on empowering teens in foster care to overcome trauma and lead healthy, productive lives. Her journey began 23 years ago as a “transporter”, which provided her with ground level insight into the true challenges faced by those she serves. As her career progressed, she launched a foster care program for Kids in Distress, which she expanded over the subsequent decade into the region’s largest initiative, earning national recognition with the Congressional Angels in Adoption Award.
In 2018, Tiffani took on her current role at Children’s Harbor, guiding the organization through a transformative shift to a community-based system of care with a focus on teenagers. Under her leadership, Children’s Harbor has become a sanctuary for teens in foster care, offering programs in life skills, education, and mental health support, helping them heal and build a path toward becoming self-reliant, resilient adults. Tiffani’s tenure as a nonprofit executive reflects her relentless drive to create meaningful change in the lives of those who have been most marginalized by society.
Connect with Tiffani: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tiffanidhooge/
