One of the hardest parts of raising a teenager is living with the constant fear that they’re one bad decision away from derailing their entire future.
We’ve all been there—lying awake at night, replaying every “what if” scenario on loop. But as Dr. Andre Caruso put it bluntly in our latest episode:
Your kid should fail. They need to fail.
And he’s right.
No matter how much we want to, wrapping our kids in bubble wrap isn’t an option (at least not one that is socially acceptable). And if we try? We’re not protecting them. We’re teaching them the world isn’t safe. That their decisions aren’t safe. That they can’t trust themselves.
Teenagers messing up isn’t a bug—it’s a feature. They are wired to take risks. Their brains—specifically their prefrontal cortex, the part that’s supposed to weigh risk and consequences—are still under construction. So, when we expect them to make completely rational, well-thought-out decisions 100% of the time, we’re setting ourselves (and them) up for disappointment.
Our job as parents isn’t to prevent every mistake. It’s to help them learn from them.
But that brings up the real challenge:
How do we hold our kids accountable without making them feel like they’re terrible people?
How do we shift from punishment to actual learning? Start here:
-Stay calm. You don’t need to join them on the emotional rollercoaster.
-Talk it through. Ask: “What happened? What do you think led to that choice?”
-Focus on the lesson, not the shame. “What would you do differently next time?”
-Remind them they’re not defined by their mistakes—but they are responsible for learning from them.
At the end of the day, our role isn’t to stop them from falling. It’s to be there when they do, helping them get back up and figure out how to move forward with more confidence and a little more wisdom.
Want to hear more? Check out our latest episode of This is NOW: Parenting Teens Today, where Dr. Andre Caruso and Dr. Brandy Pidermann break down why failure is essential—and how shifting your mindset can help you raise resilient, capable teenagers…without losing your mind (or your sense of humor) along the way.
