By Alex Ayodele
I spent ten years working as a model and nearly two decades dancing and running track—industries where your worth is measured in inches and seconds. I know exactly what it feels like to be picked apart, praised for your appearance, and told your value comes from the outside. And now, as a mom raising two girls in a filtered world, I know this: if we don’t change how we speak to our daughters, we will keep raising them to perform instead of live.
In the modeling world, you don’t get to define your own beauty. Someone else does. You’re either chosen or you’re not. You’re either “marketable” or you’re invisible. I spent years chasing that kind of external validation, and when I wasn’t chosen, I questioned everything. I learned how to read a room before I even entered it. Was I tall enough? Thin enough? Too athletic? Not edgy enough? Was my skin clear? Did I look like someone who deserved attention, praise, or acceptance?
That kind of performance mindset becomes ingrained. Even outside castings and shows, I caught myself evaluating whether I was acceptable, not just in the eyes of the industry, but in my relationships, too. It took a skin condition and a moment of literal disfigurement—from an unsanitized esthetics tool during my licensing program—for me to finally question where my confidence came from. And when I had to stand in front of women, selling $2,000 skincare with a face full of inflamed blemishes, I had a choice: disappear, or show up anyway.
So I showed up.
I learned that what people responded to wasn’t my face. It was my energy, honesty, and presence. That realization has stuck with me.
Now, as a mom, I think constantly about how we transfer our beliefs—not just through words but through how we look at ourselves in the mirror, the tone we use when talking about our faces, our meals, and our weight. That’s the first voice our kids inherit! And I don’t want my daughters to inherit silence when they look in the mirror. I want them to inherit kindness.
So, in our house, we talk about how we feel before how we look. We talk about how clothes feel on our bodies instead of who’s wearing them. If my daughter is tugging at her shirt, I don’t say, “Stop tugging at your shirt. You look cute!” I ask, “Are you comfortable? Is your body telling you something?”
We don’t believe in shaming food choices or using movement as punishment. Instead, we use affirmations—not as empty words but as powerful tools for empowerment. I tape them up around the house and keep them up until I actually believe them within myself.
Because confidence isn’t built through compliments, it’s built through consistency.
When we tell our daughters they’re beautiful, it’s often with the best intentions. But if that’s all we tell them, we risk teaching them that their value is skin-deep. We reinforce the lie that being beautiful is the end goal.
So what if we stopped saying, “You’re beautiful,” and started saying:
“You are powerful.”
“You make people feel seen.”
“You speak up, and I’m proud of that.”
“You know how to listen to your body.”
“You are allowed to take up space.”
They don’t need to be beautiful to be enough; they just need to be believed. The world will keep telling them what to fix. Our job is to teach them what they never need to change.
About the Author
ALEX AYODELE | Balcony People | CEO and Founder
Alex Ayodele is the CEO and Founder of Balcony People, a premium wellness concierge dedicated to detoxing the body, home, and lifestyle. A former track athlete at the University of Colorado, Alex has always been passionate about holistic health and wellness, both on and off the field. She began her career as a licensed esthetician and natural beauty expert, specializing in problematic skin, where she discovered the deep connection between skin health and gut health.
Feeling called to a greater purpose, Alex transitioned from the beauty industry to become a licensed integrative nutrition health coach through the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Today, she helps clients detox their bodies, lives, and lifestyles while guiding them in cultivating sacred, sustainable self-care practices. With a heart-centered approach, Alex empowers individuals to understand who they are, meet their unique needs, and overcome the obstacles that block their growth. Through Balcony People, she is creating a movement rooted in restoration, self-discipline, and holistic transformation.
CONNECT WITH ALEX: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alex-ayodele-b56a9121b/
WEBSITE: https://www.balconypeople.com/
